Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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