There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
