I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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