Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
