I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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