I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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