I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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