I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
