Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
