for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
