Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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