How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize