Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
