If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
