He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize