there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
