It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
