Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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