You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
