Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
