so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
