Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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