So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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