god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Say something about gay babies.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
