Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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