I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's never too late to be topless.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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