pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
