And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
