i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize