so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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