Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
