are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
