your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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