i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
