i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
