After last night, I could never be a politician.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
