worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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