went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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