i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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