can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You ruined the universe
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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