they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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