It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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