he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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