How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
