Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
