hotel room ftw
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize