Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
