Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
