Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
