Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
