phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
