What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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