No stitches, just platelets and will power
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
