K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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