i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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