You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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