watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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