I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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