he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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