WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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