It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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