im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
