well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
