i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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