Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize