The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
