why didn't you poke me back
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
