They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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