Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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