its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
