We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
