Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am midnight drunk by noon
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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