But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
