Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
