Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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