remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize