I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
