found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
