i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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