too bad you live with your parents still
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
