If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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