It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
