..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
