my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think people are normalizing furries
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
