Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize