Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
