she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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