I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
